Film Review: Exodus: Gods and Kings

I wanted this review to be professional. I wanted this review to reflect on whatever knowledge I have of the silver screen from the producers table to the directors chair. In the case of Exodus however, all of that so called professionalism I think I may have just flies right out of the window. Speaking of flying right out of the window I’m wondering why it took FOUR grown ass men to write this script. I mean it’s only based on one of the oldest stories in Christianity right?

This film is the latest from acclaimed director Ridley Scott, ever hear of him? You wouldn’t be reading this is you hadn’t so I’ll spare the entirety of his crazy better than average body of work. However it would be wise for me to mention how great of a film Gladiator is and going into Exodus, I felt that since he had conquered the period so well years ago than why not capture the modern day ancient epic the same way he did before. Well he didn’t. Not even close.

My biggest problem with this film actually isn’t the script because honestly, look what they had to work with in the first place… my problem was actually with the actors chosen and the heavy English accents spoken by ANCIENT EGYPTIANS… I mean why not have them speak English but with a North African accent? Christian Bale as Moses is almost as unbelievable as Tom Cruise as Nathan Algran in The Last Samurai. Sigourney Weaver as Tuya, John Turturro as Seti and fuckin Aaron Paul as Joshua.

I swear to sweet baby Jesus that Hellen Keller must have been the casting director for this flick. Not a single character makes sense, and truly horrible acting from Aaron Paul. I think he needs to stick to TV.

Overall there is only one thing about Exodus that I enjoyed and that was Scott’s take on the Seven Plagues. It was done in a clever enough way to almost show how these things could have actually happened naturally without all the eternal sky God fiction. Even that couldn’t save this film from smelling like utter dog shit.

Sorry, Ridley but you need to get yourself together. 140 million dollars went into this flaming pile of garbage and knowing that money could have been used to make a few BETTER indie films breaks my heart.

In conclusion, this film BLOWS and I’m giving it a 2/5.. it would have been a lower score if the plagues weren’t in the film at all.. actually if it had nothing to do with the bible and they changed all character names it would have been a decent enough epic for me…. but it didn’t happen that way and it ended up wasting a few hours I should have been watching Gladiator instead.

Total Dogshit1.6
1.6

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