Film Review : Jurassic World

‘If it bleeds… we can kill it”


Jurassic World (directed by Colin Trevorrow) is a film that I went into with lowered expectations after the bullshit we were fed in JP3. I figured, “Hey.. why the fuck do we need another one of these films?” I was ready to shit on this film, because of the fact that most reboots and remakes are just not hitting it right these days. I always seem to put on my “big boy pants” when doing these reviews, but for this one… fuck it.

I’ll explain right now why this film is worth your time, especially if you happen to be in your late 20’s or early 30’s, because you were there when the first one hit. You were a kid; you were astonished at the power of this new thing they called CGI, and Steven Spielberg stole your heart and captured your imagination. What I did immediately was put myself into the back seat of the minivan I was in, back in ’94 at the drive-in down in Orlando, Florida twenty years ago, and because of that, I enjoyed the living shit out of this film.

Yes, it has its’ cheesy moments and completely OBVIOUS plot points, but whatever man… IT’S A FILM ABOUT DINOSAURS PEOPLE! You know, those things that we have never ever seen before in real life or cinema, until The Lost World debuted back in 1925. Yes, it was that long ago.

This film takes place back on the original island of the incident, twenty years ago. This is a completely re-imagined, and fully operational park owned by shareholders, and run by the 7th richest man in the world, played by one of my favorite actors today, Irrfan Khan. He is much like John Hammond, in which all he wants to do is not rely on this as just another zoo to make money, but to give people the experience of a lifetime. His antics remind me of Sir Richard Brant in many ways.


The park manager played by Bryce Dallas Howard (who immediately reminded me why I love redheads so fucking much), is faced with the task of bringing new attractions to the park, to get more customers to make the investors happy. So what do they go and do? Create the most badass killing machine I’ve seen on screen in a long time, the Indominus Rex: a hybrid T Rex/Raptor who makes one shit themself just by looking at it. Vincent D’Onofrio always comes to the set with his boots on, and he does a great job being the Injen baddy that he is supposed to be. And who can review this film without talking about the return of BD Wong, reprising his role as Dr. Henry Wu.

As expected, like the other films, things take a turn for shit city as this thing pulls a DB Cooper and goes AWOL.

raptor man?

raptor man?

Enter ex-Navy vet Owen, played incredibly by Chris Pratt. Man, I thought he might not have been the right choice for Guardians of the Galaxy, but I was wrong. I thought he was a random choice for this film. I was DEAD wrong. This guy is officially an A-list actor now and he proves in this performance that he actually has the chops to be a lead in any big blockbuster film. So far he’s two for two in my book. Also one quick note about the raptor scenes in the trailer and movie posters… well… let’s just say they didn’t spoil anything because sometimes things aren’t what they seem. But enough about the actors…

holy fuck, right?

holy fuck, right?

The true stars of this film are the creatures. They all feel realistic and full of life as they roam free in their habitats, and there are a few tear jerkers thrown in too, that I was not expecting at all. There is one literally HUGE cameo that really puts the cherry on top of this carnivorous sundae, and it is definitely worth the wait I would say. For a film like this that pays homage to the original in the ways that it did… they did a good job at making it funny and terrifying, and in some areas of this film, it literally turns into a horror movie, pulling beats from classic films like The Birds and Predator. I was very surprised at the amount of blood in this film. Human blood at that. Much more than all other films in the series combined.

If you have children, I’d say go see this at your local drive-in, and if you don’t, then put yourself in a kids’ shoes, sit back, relax and popcorn the fuck out of that tummy, because this movie is exactly what it is intended to be… a thrill ride.

Tony Lorenzo

monster is a relative term8.5

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