TV Review: The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

I have been looking forward to this show for a while. I loved the trailers. Everything looked so cool.

Then I watched the show itself, and I felt my heart crack.

First, the things I like:
1. I love that Netflix’s new series The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina has a great nod to the original comic right off the bat (pun intended) in the show’s opening titles sequence.
2. I love that Michelle Gomez is playing Miss Wardwell, she is sexy as usual while playing very, very bad. It is sad that she is not speaking with her natural Scottish brogue.
3. I really enjoyed the court battle featuring Daniel Webster.
4. The cast is great, and visually I love the look of the show.

Now that the niceties are out of the way, let’s get down to the brass tacks:

The new series starts out fun, with Sabrina and her friends going out to see Night of the Living Dead. But, the fun fades quickly when we learn they mixed Witchcraft and Satanism, which is beyond stupid in this day and age. Even American Horror Story knows the difference, and that this show takes an obvious cue from AHS, it leaves me shaking my head. And I am not sorry saying this, that there’s no excuse in today’s age of instant access to information, and when everyone knows these two occult related religions, are completely different. To mix them up like that is like mixing Buddhism with Catholicism. Yeah, it is very stupid. Pick one or the other, and move on, FFS!

I refuse to accept that the showrunner and writers on Sabrina couldn’t find a more intelligent way to show an evil side of Witchcraft without using this old overused and quite incorrect mixing of the occult. What is this, the 1970’s?

The show is SO uneven, and despite some of the cool things it has, the show is really just a train wreck. After getting deep into the season, I found the premise of the show moronic at best, and utterly tiresome. It is a ridiculous and poorly crafted spin on the classic comic book that took a huge turn to the left, and took a giant leap off the stupid cliff. It is impossible to get past the mixing Satanism and Witchcraft, because it is a major part of almost every minute of every episode. I’d expect that shit 40 years back, but today? COME ON!!

That midnight feast plot idea was just so…oh, man…it was bad. I began to wonder if the show was a criticism of organized religion and how people mindlessly follow them. Maybe in some infantile way that’s what they are trying to do, but, if so, they aren’t doing it very intelligently. It’s hard to tell with all the confusing morality they depict within the show. None of the characters make any sense.

In episode 7…the hunting scene and the debate over how one Satanist’s selfish actions makes them more evil than Satan. I was like, “Wait, what in the fuck are you even talking about?” Then, I listened to more of the dialogue, about this moronic debate again of who is more evil, the devil or his disciples, followed then by a scene filled with the most stupid criticism of human men hunting for meat. Suddenly I found myself wincing in pain from the stupidity being displayed in front of me. The morality meters of characters are all over the spectrum, and make zero sense.

On top of all that, that Sabrina is the ONLY voice of reason in this entire world is insanely unbelievable. It’s beyond ridiculous. I am serious, who writes this crap? I am watching episode 9, and I am actually getting angrier by the minute now. It is insufferably so stupid; the premise, the storytelling, and the direction. I mean, they obviously stole much of this episode straight from Pet Sematary, and didn’t even do it well.

I enjoy American Horror Story. Yet well I know there are weak and bad episodes as well as weak seasons. But, even the worst of American Horror Story is still a hundred times better than the best moments in this Sabrina show.

I am sad and heartbroken over how bad this new show is. I really tried, but, the acting and even the better moments cannot save this show from being monumentally stupid.

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is seriously awful, just absolutely, and unequivocally awful, and I am sad about that, and regret to only give it 4 potatoes out of 10

Good acting can't save this incredibly uneven series4

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